Thinking
by Silent Mist
Summary: Yuuko knows she can't help things, but that won't stop her from accusing herself. Crossover with xxxHOLiC.


**Disclaimer:** I'd love to own both Tsubasa AND Xxxholic but unfortunately no, I don't :grumbles:  
**Pairings: **None. Sorry people, no romance X3  
**Summary: **Yuuko knows she really can't help things, but that won't stop her from accusing herself.  
**Warning**: Some spoilers up to recent chapters for both Xxxholic and TRC Some made up stuff too though…  
**A/N** Forgive me if my writing is bad, still trying to write properly TT Please read and review:pleading eyes:  
_"Italics" _– quotes from the past (some from manga/anime and some made up XD)

To see the future was a gift.

To see the future was a curse.

_"We who see the future…can do nothing but read what lies ahead."_

_§§§§__§__§§§§__§__§§§§__§__§§§§__§__§§§§__§__§§§§__§_

Everyone knows misfortune strikes an unsuspecting victim every day, every hour, every second, somewhere in their world. But there was nothing you could do about it, not when you had no idea it was going to happen.

What if then, you _did _know what was coming; what you could do about it but did nothing to intervene for the sake of protecting yourself? You tell yourself you had no choice, because it is hitsuzen – it is inevitable.

_"Everything is inevitable__."_Any opposition shall face divine punishment.

But you are a hypocrite. What do you think you're trying to do at that shop of yours?

With every wish you grant, you hope for a change from what your dreams have shown you. You want to believe the future isn't all that you've seen, that it is really each individual themselves who create their own paths to follow. You watch them struggle like helpless lambs, unable to see the nearing slaughter so clearly obvious to your eyes. But you watch them not with pity, but with envy. If only you could be like them, so easy to ignorantly pursue their desires without knowing the limits. So what if they meet the gruesome end you had long ago foreseen? At least they didn't waste half their lives wallowing in guilt, something you often find yourself doing.

Even by granting all those wishes you have only proven hitsuzen to yourself. You take away other's most precious possessions with a threat and a grin, as the devil grants a wish at the price of a soul. You force them to choose between their wish and what they hold dear; often knowing you are only sending them towards their demise.

_"Tell a person not to open it, and the desire will only grow."_

But you can't tell them that…because it is not within the allowed limits of interference? Liar. You _can _tell them but it's going to cost _you _something isn't it?

That's why you love being called a witch, because a fairy godmother could only ever exist in a fairy tale. You make simple deals covered in loopholes, never telling the naïve, desperate little lamb who found itself at your door the things they _really_ need to know about their wishes.

_"There isn't much we could do, anyway."_

Unlike less powerful dreamgazers or those who simply do not carry the ability – you can see much farther ahead; so far ahead that you frequently see the end of almost every game played solely by fate. Flashing you an amused smile of morbid curiosity, it motions to the game pieces of those you have come to care about. In a futile attempt to save them, you reach forward only to discover they are just out of your reach. Each piece is then carefully placed on another specially designed path of misery - a gift from hitsuzen.

The boy who willingly tore his heart, his own soul in half. The ninja who watched his home mutilated and family murdered. The two pitiful clones created as sacrifice for the sake of an impossible wish. The magician you failed to save, who you wish will one day find true happiness.

And finally, the over-altruistic boy you have come to love.

_"Yuuko-san grants everyone's wishes…but I wondered, who grants Yuuko-san's wishes?"_

But even if someone had the power to grant your wishes, what could _you_ possibly give…except the lives of these children? In all the time you've played spectator, how many happy endings have you seen? Oh _a __lot_ I'm sure, if you count the ones that included lots of blood and death and well, you get the point. But you have to endure it all don't you? For the sake of your own wish, the desire to carry on the task of that one important person who is no longer able.

_"Just believe in the future,__e__ven if it is like a castle of sand."_

How? When the future is but a small, flickering candle at the mercy of a sandstorm called fate? How can any sane person who has lived long enough to watch countless tragedies foolishly repeat themselves _s_ay that with such _confidence_?

No, what you really want to ask is: _How __could he ask me to watch over Fei Wang Reed?_

You heard correctly, he asked you to watch over the man he knows is going to tear apart his children's lives. You know perfectly why, yet you just can't bring yourself to admit it. No matter how much of a spectator you pretend to be, you can't help but choose a side. The great Witch of Dimensions was just another mother fuelled by her maternal instincts.

_"__Please d__on't blame him __Yuuko,__ he __is just another desparate child__" _

You clung to his broken body, not understanding why he could allow death at such a crucial time.

"_Because,__" _he stated calmly, dignity never dissolving even in his final moments, _"I believe in the future." _

You snorted inwardly. Clow's common sense had definitely left the living before his body did.

_"I believe in you." _

What?

_"Watch over them Yuuko…for if this dream does not end…__"_

Lifting your eyes, you gaze over at the sleeping form of Watanuki, the one who brought you joy, comfort, and _hope_…

_"That's right. That's all I __can __give to__ you."_

He has already begun to notice, hasn't he? The final moment you have dreaded with each passing day, when your heart slowly rots away as you watch everyone suffer. For that is the price for defying hitsuzen, for fighting against fate.

Why do you keep doing this?

_"Yuuko-san?"_

Because…what's that? There's still hope?

_"…she will die."_

Even in this bottomless pit of despair?

_"I think certainly there are many other people who are worried…!"_

Yes, as long as you can still see that speck of light from above.

_"To change __yourself__ means to change the future."_

As long as there are things even fate cannot control…

"Is the butterfly you, Yuuko-san?"

* * *

That last part is the end of ch.134 for Xxxholic if you're thoroughly confused by the conversation there. The quotes came from various places in both mangas, sorry if it's really confusing Again, please review!!! ToT 


End file.
